Reasons Your Baby Is Crying

Not my usual content, but hopefully something that can help

Welcome to Baby Brain, a space where I – Charlotte, hi! – write about family life with three small children – Poppet (m, 5 years), Pickle (m, 3 years) and Peach (f, 1 year.) Those are not their real names. These are real stories from our days.

I was 16 the first time I heard the words “baby yoga,” and I found them hilarious. “Babies doing yoga?” I remember laughing, “but why?” My boyfriend’s mother – the instigator of the conversation – tried to explain. I laughed harder, and my boyfriend was referred to as Yoga Baby from that point on. We are no longer together. I don’t think this is why.

I was 30 the first time I heard the words “baby massage,” and felt similarly uncomfortable. ‘What will people think of me if I indulge in such a thing?’ I wondered. ‘What will I think of myself?’ Also at 30, first baby in tow, I realised two things 1) I didn’t care what people thought, I just wanted what was best for my child and 2) babies are absolutely fascinating creatures that must be protected, cherished and, sure, massaged at all costs. I swallowed my pride, and went to a baby massage class. I had another baby. I trained in baby massage (et al) and, in what I’m sure would be a huge surprise to old Yoga Baby up there, I launched my own infant wellness business.

Now, here I am, a couple of years and one more child later, sharing some thoughts with you on why your baby might be crying.

And what you can do to make it stop.

Why is my baby crying?

• Your baby might be crying because… They have trapped wind (that needs to come out of their bottom)
  Have you ever had trapped wind? I don’t think I ever had until pregnancy because, when it came, I had no idea what was going on. Like Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones’ Baby when she’s eaten loads of Pringles and runs to the doctor thinking there’s something wrong with her baby because the cramping is so intense, I panicked. ‘What is going on?’ I thought, ‘why am I in labour?’ Now imagine being a baby and having this level of pain, and not knowing what’s going on. Of course you’d cry. So, yes, it’s possible your baby just has trapped wind and/or is constipated. Here are some ways to alleviate that issue:
  
  - Baby massage. It’s woo woo, I know, but it works. There was a baby in my class that would consistently break wind the second we began applying pressure to his little belly, so I know this for a fact. Here is a routine, from Lucy’s Angels, that works nicely:

  Note: Every circular stroke needs to be done clockwise, to push the air bubbles out of the bowels. If you go anticlockwise, you might be pushing trapped gas bubbles back on themselves, forming larger gas bubbles as they join forces and become even harder (and more painful) for babies to pass.
  
  - Baby yoga. (Not to be practiced without doctor’s consent if baby has hip issues.)
  A nice one to do with older babies, baby yoga can get the bowels moving via leg movements, and is a good one for babies that don’t like having their tummies touched (which can happen, especially, if those little tummies are sore). Good baby yoga moves for trapped wind include ‘bicycle legs’ (move the legs as though baby is riding a bike), ‘marching legs’ (move the legs as if baby is marching) and ‘kissing toes’ (bring the babies toes to their mouth – or as close to the mouth as they can get without excess pressure). If your baby is resistant to participate, incorporating singing helps!
  
  Tip: Don’t save up all of your massage and yoga for one specific time of day – odds are, you won’t manage to fit it in (I taught both and I still didn’t manage...) Instead, incorporate a few strokes into every nappy change, to keep the digestive system stimulated throughout the day.

• Your baby might be crying because… They have trapped wind (that needs to come out of their mouth)

  Similar to the trapped wind that has travelled further into the digestive system, trapped wind in the tummy can be very uncomfortable. To help with this you can:
  
  - Burp your baby after every feed, even if they’re breast fed
  It’s a myth that breastfed babies don’t need to be winded, some have a poor latch which leads to swallowing of air, which very much needs to come up. If your regular burping technique isn’t getting much joy, try ‘Wonky Winding.’ Here’s is a video that explains how it works:

  - If you’re formula feeding, don’t shake the bottle. Shaking makes the milk bubbly, and bubbles can cause problems. Try stirring the milk instead.
  
  - Don’t overfeed. This is more a tip for formula feeding, too, as breastfeeding is harder to measure, but only feed your baby as much as they need. Even if this is less than the formula tin tells you their age group needs – every baby is an individual, and their appetites aren’t all the same. If you don’t already, try paced feeding with your bottle, also, as paced feeding lets baby signal to you when they’ve had enough, while more traditional vertical feeding forces them to swallow everything coming their way as quickly as they can.

• Your baby might be crying because… They’re overstimulated
  Babies are sensitive wee creatures and it doesn’t take much to discombobulate them. Most of their senses are highly developed from birth, but they don’t yet have the capacity to emotionally regulate when those senses are overloaded – so they cry. A good way to deal with this is to remove the baby from whatever situation they’re in, dim the lights, and bring everything really back to basics within their environment. Holding them upside down on your arm, in a pose known as ‘Tiger In The Tree’ can really help too – there’s less to take in on the ground (most lights are higher up, for example) which can soothe sensory overload, and the position puts pressure on the tummy, which can simultaneously ease tummy ache, if they’re suffering in that way, too. You can see this hold, here:

• Your baby might be crying because… They have an intolerance/allergy
  If your baby is crying a lot and also has other signs of discomfort along the lines of milk spots (baby acne), unusual nappy output, etc, they might have an intolerance or allergy. Take notes of their symptoms, do your own research, and then take those notes and that research to your doctor. Most doctors are prone to dismissing babies and mums (especially first time mums). but stand your ground if you think there’s an issue and they’ll usually investigate further
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They’re overtired

  Get them to sleep (LOL, if only it was that easy)
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They’re hungry
  If you’ve fallen trap to a) feeding at set times or to b) only feeding what the formula tin tells you a baby your baby’s age needs, it’s possible they’re crying because they need more food. This is why toddler mums always have snacks. Children are always starving
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They’re in pain
  Whether from teething, a fall, a tummy ache, even a headache (research shows some babies get migraines!) it's possible your baby is crying because they are hurting. Aside from probiotics for tummy ache, infant paracetamol and TLC, there's not a lot you can do about this one, but I find it does help empathy wise to know they're not just screaming to derail your day. (I have heard osteopaths are helpful for this one, too, but have no experience of them, so you would have to do your own research there!)
  

• Your baby might be crying because… Their gut microbiome is imbalanced
  Which can lead to gastro issues, and is common in babies that were delivered via C Section. Infant probiotics are your solution to this one, with kefir also being a great option if your baby is past weaning age
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They have separation anxiety
  Especially true of older babies. It's inconvenient but at some point our babes realise when we leave them, and if they don't have a strong connection with another caregiver (or they simply just want you that day) they might start wailing if they think you're going to leave them/you stop looking at them for even a second/you dare do anything that isn't all about them
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They’re an orchid

  There's a theory that I haven't researched myself so can't fully back (though many do, and there is a whole book on it which I think gives a bit of credit to the whole thing) that people are one of two things – they are dandelions, or they are orchids. Dandelion babies are pretty hardy, not easily phased and quite chilled out. Orchid babies are easily disrupted, and very sensitive to any environmental change. If your baby is an orchid, they just need more of you than a dandelion baby might. If you have a baby carrier, put them in there for as long as you can manage to help keep them regulated while you still live your life. Trust me, Pickle had orchid tendencies, some days the carrier was the only way to keep him content. (Skin to skin is also brilliant, if you find yourself at home with some time.)
  

• Your baby might be crying because… They have reflux

  Which goes back to the pain thing – reflux can be agony and it's not always obvious they have it, or even that that's what's bothering them. (Pickle couldn't go down on his back due to reflux, but would happily vomit all over my house without making a peep in the day). There's a lot of medicating that goes on for reflux which is quite concerning, as often the medicine given isn't suitable for children and can have horrible side effects. If you want to help your baby with reflux without the medical route, try keeping them upright as much as possible, especially after a feed. Get into the habit of doing tummy time instead of putting them on their back when they're on the ground/playing, and know that this too shall pass. (Also, no judgment if you do take the meds, sometimes you just have to do what is necessary to survive.)
  

Your baby is not crying because…

• They have colic

  Like hysteria for women back in the day, colic is a dismissive diagnosis that means absolutely nothing other than “your baby is crying and we don't know – nor do we care to investigate – why.” I upset someone on Threads once by saying this so let me preface that by saying that I am not judging you if your baby had colic and you accepted a colic diagnosis because, honestly, why wouldn’t you? I am judging doctors that could dig a little deeper, but choose not to.
  

• You’re a bad parent.

  Nine times out of ten, your baby isn't crying because you've parented them badly. And if they're crying because you've done something to make them cry – like, for example, the time my husband accidentally nipped Poppet’s skin when cutting his tiny nails – then give yourself a break, dude, this stuff is hard. And also why are you here? Surely you know what you did? Put on a plaster, everyone will be fine.

I hope this helps.

A baby in my class. Her mum e-mailed ahead of time to warn that she (the baby) cried 24/7 so might be disruptive. Little one loved her massages and never made a peep. Isn’t she a beauty? (Permission to share image obtained from mum)

Until next time 😭